well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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