i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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