Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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