My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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