I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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