Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
