Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
