He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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