If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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