New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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