Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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