I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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