I'm jealous of your bromance
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
