So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
