i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
