oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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