Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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