Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
