my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I smell stomach acid.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
