There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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