Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
