Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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