3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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