Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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