Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
