Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
