I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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