This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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