Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Randomize
