You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
