like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
