I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it was like eating out sand paper
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
