Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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