where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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