Redeem this text for a blowjob
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize