My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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