she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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