Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
