dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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