You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
