I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
