Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
