do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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