He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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