so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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