I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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