Umm I'm too high to move.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize