I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
pop tarts are not kleenex
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
