im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
