he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So vagazzling was a success
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
