3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The uberlube is also flammable
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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