In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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