So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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