dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I got inside last night via doggy door
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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