My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
