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I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
