I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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