I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
