I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
