Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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