ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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