ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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