So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
