you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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