Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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