Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
