i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
