My liver just broke up with me...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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