I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
