i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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