K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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