I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
